Ages Always
by Ebhenah
Summary: **Spoilers for S07 flashbacks re: Keith and Shiro's lives pre-Kerberos mission** All that rivalry, and all those verbal sparring matches finally come to head. Keith hits his limit and Lance is completely floored. Some coarse language.


The training exercise had gone well. The team had all excelled while in the Lions and he'd been in such a great mood as the others had left the hangar. He didn't even know what Lance had SAID that started it, but he'd said something that pricked at Keith's mood and he'd snapped back. Before they knew it, light-hearted 'rivalry' banter had escalated, and now they were arguing. About nothing. Keith had no idea how he kept ending up in this position with the other Paladin. What was it about him that managed to irritate Lance SO MUCH? Lance got along with everyone, except him. Sure, he teased and joked and earned a lot of eye rolls, but it was always jovial, and friendly. With him though, there was… something else. Something that took the sibling dynamic Lance had with the others and added teeth to the bite of sarcasm, weight to the friendly-seeming jabs. It… HURT, he realized, not for the first time. He always seemed to lose sight of that in the moment, but it was true. It hurt to spark such ire and not know why, or how… or how to fix it. It hurt to go from being one of the team to singled out and made different in the span of a few words. He didn't deal with hurt well. He lashed out. He KNEW he lashed out, but somehow, Lance would open his mouth, and he'd skip right over the part where he was hurt and go straight to angry, and only when things were well out of hand would his brain click in and register what was causing the anger. By that time, it was far too late to prevent THIS.

He HATED this. Hated being at odds with someone he depended on to keep him safe and alive in the field. Someone he admired and respected and trusted and LIKED. Hated the wedge that it put between him and all the others. Hated the eyerolls and sighs and resigned head shakes that he got whenever it happened. Even Shiro- and that REALLY stung. Why couldn't they see that this wasn't HIM being an ass? Why did Shiro never defend him? Why didn't Lance see that he was TRYING, so hard, to get past all this?

"Drop-out!" Lance was right up in his face, a smug smirk on his face, deep blue eyes glinting with triumph. It was the thing that won him the arguments, almost always. Because Keith wouldn't correct him, wouldn't risk having any of them dig deeper. Because it cut DEEP. It hurt worse than almost anything. Lance would throw that out and Keith would stalk off, retreat. It was his trump card, and Keith knew it.

The words sliced deep, ripping open a wound that had NEVER healed, and Keith's mouth clamped shut. He took a step back, ready to leave. Tears were building in his eyes, his throat was burning. He couldn't keep it in check. He had to get out of there. Then Lance made a sound. It was a tiny little grunt, it could have meant anything. But it was too much. The dam broke inside Keith. He had his fist cocked before he even registered the noise, he only barely managed to stop himself from throwing the punch. But all that rage had to go SOMEWHERE, and so it did- rerouting from his fist to his mouth.

"I DIDN'T FUCKING DROP OUT " He screamed. Like, screamed, screamed. Not yelled. Screamed. Pain and anguish and so much shame soaking into every syllable. And he didn't stop there, "they kicked me out! Okay? I didn't have a fucking choice. They kicked me out and I lost fucking EVERYTHING. Happy now? You fucking win." He wheeled away, knowing that Lance had already seen the tears spill over, but desperately hoping he could get away before it got even worse.

"Wait? What?" Lance breathed. His hand caught Keith's arm and he braced for a swing that didn't come. "No, you dropped out, Iverson talked about you washing out all the time."

"Fucking Iverson," he snarled, "of COURSE he did."

"Quiznak… Keith- you are really upset," he sounded awed… and a little concerned. "Like, REALLY upset. Shit. Fuck. I am sorry, man… I didn't mean to…"

He stood there, not looking at him, not moving, just trying to bank the flames of emotion that felt so close to going out of control. "You didn't know," he said finally. "Obviously."

"So… what really happened?" Lance asked, "I feel like I owe you the chance to tell your side."

"It doesn't matter," Keith said, sounding defeated.

"It matters to me," Lance countered, "you said you lost everything. Shit, man. I had no idea. I feel awful. I NEVER would have said that if I knew… C'mon, you have to know that much at least? I am not a complete asshole. Just like… 75% asshole, the rest of me is awesome."

Keith snorted, it was a terrible joke, but it eased something in him, coaxed a little of the trust he had in Lance to keep him safe in a fight up to the surface of the blaze of his emotions.

"I decked Iverson," he said finally.

"Shiiiiit… Seriously?" Lance sounded… almost jealous. "Did it feel amazing? I bet it felt amazing."

"No, it didn't feel amazing," he snapped, "what is wrong with you? It felt like I was throwing my life away- because that's what I was doing, but I couldn't stop it."

"Woah… okay, okay. I just meant… Man, there have been so many times I wanted to pop that fucker in the jaw. He's such a goddamn bully."

Keith blinked, he'd never thought of it that way. "Yes… a bully. That's EXACTLY what he is!" A few, lingering hurts deep down just let go, making him feel calmer.

"So, what was the straw that broke the camel's back?" Lance asked, using his grip on Keith's arm to steer him over to Red where he dropped to the floor, using the massive Lion-ship as a resting spot. He tapped the floor, "sit. Red can feel how upset you are and wants you close."

"You can tell that? Red can feel that?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah," Lance answered, "he's my Lion now, we have a bond… but he used to be yours. Did you think he'd stop caring about you just because you fly Black now?"

"I guess… I never thought about it."

"You earned his respect- he doesn't give it lightly, and he doesn't lose it easily." Lance patted the metal in obvious affection, "he's a loyal kitty."

"Oh," Keith said, feeling a bit like an idiot, "I can't feel him anymore."

"Sure you can," Lance answered, "I can feel Blue… but only when she wants me to. She's a chatterbox compared to Red though, so… I'm not surprised you haven't noticed Red. Plus, Black seems kind of… intense."

Keith chuckled, dropping to the floor beside Lance, "intense is a good word for it… and.. Wary."

"Makes sense. Black's been through a lot with his Paladins. Trust has got to be tough right now."

"Huh- maybe we are more alike than I thought." Keith answered, taking a tick to actually try to sense Red's presence. As soon as he TRIED, he found him- the same warm pulse that he'd gotten so used to when they'd been flying together, still there, just… soft and quiet in Black's shadow. He smiled, feeling the reassurance radiating out from his former lion. "Hey bud," he said softly, patting the Lion.

"That's better," Lance said, relaxing a bit. "So… Iverson?"

Keith sighed, "he said something about pilot error costing lives. Used Shiro as the example."

"Ouch," Lance commiserated, "I don't get why he harped on the Kerberos mission so much. Like, dude- most of us were recruited by Shiro. Not cool."

"Yeah, that's how I met Shiro," he answered, debating on how much else to share.

"Right? Like, no wonder you decked him. Pidge mouthed off to him about the Kerberos team, once, too. Called him a liar. It was pretty epic."

"Yeah… but he didn't know that Pidge's family were on that mission, though, right?"

"Well, no…. None of us knew Pidge was Katie Holt."

Keith took a deep breath, "yeah… but he knew the Shiro is mine. He knew that I lived with him. That he'd adopted me."

Lance blinked at him, "holy shit. Shiro is your DAD? Like, not just a mentor? He is your literal FATHER?"

"Shiro's not my Dad! My DAD died!" He snapped, defensive.

Lance flinched, "sorry! Sorry. But you said he adopted you? Doesn't that make him your dad?"

Keith sighed, fighting the urge to storm off and avoid this entire conversation. "Shiro's my brother. Legally, I am adopted, and he and Adam are my legal parents, but he never wanted to replace my Dad. So, they both always said that it was like how adult siblings are the guardians of the kids when parents pass away. I think they thought that was the only way I would agree."

"Adam?" Lance asked gently.

"Shiro and Adam… they were getting married. Before Kerberos, they were engaged. I lived with them since I was 14 or so. Before that, I was in a home. Like foster care, but for kids they've given up on."

"Quiznak, Iverson is an asshole," Lance reached out, catching Keith's hand and giving it a squeeze. "That must have been so hard, man. I am sorry."

Keith stared at their hands, he'd been expecting… questions. Questions about the home, or foster care, or Shiro, or Adam, or Shiro AND Adam. Not this. Not acceptance and compassion. He turned his hand, lacing their fingers together. Needing the contact to keep him from getting lost in everything he was feeling. He nodded, and when he spoke again, his voice was rough. "It was hard. They'd been fighting, before the mission. That had never happened before. I didn't know how to deal with that. They'd always been so… solid… united. It was scary to see that unraveling. Right before he left, they split up. Shiro told me to stay with Adam until he got back, then we'd make a permanent decision. I think he thought they'd fix it. Adam didn't. He was… angry, hurt. I didn't know how to help."

"It sounds awful," Lance said softly, rubbing his thumb against Keith's hand soothingly. Tears dripped down the Black Paladin's face, unchecked, and he seemed so YOUNG.

"It was… and then…" his breath hitched. "They said… pilot error…"

"God," Lance pulled him into a hug, their still-linked hands folded between the press of their chests. He tucked Keith's head against his shoulder and made soft comforting noises.

"And he was just… gone," Keith whispered, "and everyone was gossiping… speculating. Adam…" he choked, "he was destroyed. We were destroyed. I was so mad."

"Of course you were," Lance said softly, "it must have been hell."

"I had nightmares… my dad- he was a firefighter. He died trying to save people. I kept dreaming that Shiro was in the fire and Dad… and then I'd look at Adam and he'd be… like… holding a match. It didn't make any sense but it kept me scared, and mad… all the time."

"Grief doesn't have to make sense, Keith," he whispered.

"It was more than that. Adam and Shiro… they made me think… maybe, people like me… could be happy. Safe. Loved. They were so good together and it all fell apart… and I blamed Adam."

"People like you?" he asked, his voice gentle and encouraging.

"Gay," he hiccuped, "but Adam- he didn't want Shiro to go. He made him choose. He broke Shiro's heart, and then Shiro left… and he died, they SAID he died… and they said pilot error. You know you can't be distracted when you are flying. Adam is a pilot. He KNOWS that. He KNOWS how dangerous that is."

"Oh… Keith… I would have been angry, too… and scared," he rubbed Keith's back. "Anyone would have."

"We were fighting. All the time. I could see him starting to regret everything. The adoption… it had been Shiro's idea. They were really young. 20, 21 years old. Shiro was so sure. Adam… he's more cautious. He never really wanted me. I mean, they SAID he did. But after Shiro… it was obvious he never wanted me. I know what that looks like. I know what it feels like to be a burden. I hate being a burden. I couldn't wait to leave the house every day. But the only place I could go was school…"

"And school wasn't any better," Lance said, starting to realize just how rough things must have been. He was kicking himself for not seeing it at the time. He'd been such an idiot, so caught up in his self-appointed competition with the star pilot, so jealous of how easily flying came to him, so desperate to prove himself, to attract his attention. So, clueless as to the source of his fascination, to the reasons that his eyes and thoughts kept drifting to his classmate.

Keith shook his head, pulling Lance more tightly to him, "school itself wasn't so bad… it was just…"

"Iverson and the gossips," Lance finished for him, still holding him close, the hand at his back slid up, stroking Keith's hair. He teased him about the mullet, but Keith really did have gorgeous hair, inky and thick and incredibly soft. Softer than he could ever have imagined, "people can be assholes. I am sorry I was so oblivious."

"You were oblivious?" Keith made a noise that was half a sob, half a chuckle, "I didn't even remember you."

"Your parents split up- and shut up, they were your parents, whether you called them your brothers or not, they were raising you. It was their job to keep you safe and take care of you- to be the people you could count on. That's hard. Break-ups like that are HARD." He would have wrapped his other arm around Keith to give him a proper hug, but with the way Keith was clutching at his hand, he suspected it would have been seen as a rejection, and he would DIE before adding that to everything Keith was dealing with right this second. So instead, he rested his head against Keith's. "And then one of them died. You were dealing with so much, no wonder me and my little rivalry didn't make a blip on your radar… and now that I look back, I can remember how you started lashing out, mouthing off… struggling. I should have noticed THEN. I should have been able to see that you needed a friend, not some asshole nipping at your heels out of jealousy."

"I probably wouldn't have let you know anything, anyway," he answered on a sigh, "I am not good at the whole friendship thing."

"That's not true," Lance countered, "you have really good friends here… and you are considered one, too… but, you were talking about Adam? Seems like you've needed to say this stuff out loud for a while. You might as well tell me the rest. I'm not going anywhere."

"Keith went quiet for several minutes, still curled into Lance, his face buried in his teammate's shoulder. "We used to be close. He was... easy to talk to... before. But by then, we were fighting all the time. Worse than him and Shiro before they split. I knew what was coming. I could see it hanging over us. He was just waiting for my birthday. Once I was 18 I wasn't his problem anymore. So… the day Iverson did that- I just couldn't hold back anymore. I decked him… and they expelled me. Adam was furious. He told me that when he got home after classes, we were going to have a 'serious conversation' and I knew. I just knew what he meant. So, I went home, I packed up my stuff… and I left."

"You left?" Lance echoed, "you moved out?" Keith nodded against his shoulder. "Is that how you ended up out in the desert?"

"Yeah… the stuff I said was true… about the energy and stuff, but I own that spot- the land and the building. It was where I lived with my Dad, before he died. The system held it in trust for me until I was an adult, then I got it back." His voice got very small, "Adam knew that… he knew where I was. He never came to get me. He didn't even try. I was right. He never wanted me. He was just like everyone else. Only Shiro-" The words died in his throat, the horrible truth of it hanging in the air.

"Oh, Keith," Lance breathed, rocking them from side to side. "You never have to feel like that again. You belong here. You belong with us. WE want you here. All of us. Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Allura- all of us."

"Not you," he countered, "you keep picking fights with me. I know what that means."

Lance froze, THAT's what he thought? "Oh my god, I am such an idiot," he muttered, "that's not true at all, Keith. Just because I argue with you doesn't mean I want you gone. I don't want you gone."

"You don't have to lie to me. I know what being pushed away feels like."

Lance sighed, "ok stop. I don't want to fight with you about this. Alright? C'mere, let me get a look at you." Gently, he released Keith, turning his face so he could lock eyes with him. He smiled softly, "no snot- your nose isn't even red… that some kind of Galra thing? When I cry I look like hell and snot everywhere." Great- real attractive image of yourself there, he chided himself. But it made Keith's lips quirk a little… a tiny flicker of hope of a smile someday. "Your eyes are pretty red though." Ever so softly, he brushed the tears away, slowly dragging his thumbs over the damp skin, his hands cupping Keith's jaw like he was impossibly precious. "Gay, huh?"

"Yeah, Shiro's gay," Keith sighed, "he doesn't really mention it, but it's not a secret or anything."

"Not Shiro, mullet," he whispered, his voice soft, tone teasing. "You."

"Oh," his cheeks flamed, he hadn't really realized he'd let that tidbit slip out in the midst of his meltdown. "Yeah. Gay."

"And you think I pick fights with you because?"

Keith sighed, rolling his eyes and trying to shift away, but Lance wasn't letting him budge, still holding his face in his hands. "Fine… because you don't like me. You want me gone. You're pushing me away."

"And that bothers you? That I might not like you? That I might want you gone?" His deep, deep blue eyes searched Keith's face, making him feel like he was laid bare to him.

"Well.. yeah. Of course it does," Keith answered, "I've been trying to fix it for ages. To get closer."

"Me especially?" he asked cautiously, "or would you be the same for any of the team?"

"I didn't do that when Allura hated me," Keith pointed out, "I never really cared before. But, I don't know… it's different. I don't usually WANT to fix it, so I never learned how… but I have been trying…"

"You've been…" Lance's eyes drifted shut, several heartbeats passed, "and I've been pushing you away. God, I'm an idiot... And a coward. I am so sorry Keith. I didn't mean to hurt you, to stir up bad memories. You're right, partly… I have been pushing you away. Not to get rid of you… just… keep you at arm's reach. But I don't want you gone. I just want you…"

Keith studied his face, waiting for him to finish that sentence. Slowly, he realized that he HAD. That was the full thing. 'I just want you.' Those four words fell into place like tumblers in a lock, and suddenly the whole world looked COMPLETELY different. Hope bloomed in his violet eyes. "I can't handle arguing," he said in a rush, "too scary… whenever we argue…"

"No more arguing," Lance promised, a soft smile on his lips, "or at least, I will try my hardest not to argue. I don't want to scare you. I don't want to hurt you. " He leaned closer, his nose bumping Keith's softly before he gently pressed their foreheads together.

A tiny, fragile, impossibly adorable smile curled Keith's mouth, "you just want me?"

"Just you," Lance answered, suddenly bashful and blushing, "have for ages. Always, really… just took me awhile to clue in."

"Me, too," Keith replied, "ages. Always."

"I am sorry for hurting you," he whispered, "I never wanted that."

"Shh, it's ok. I am sorry for being such a mess."

"Shh, it's ok," Lance echoed. "God, you are gorgeous."

"Me? You're the 'heart throb'," his voice was lighter, teasing.

"Look at you, cracking a joke. Are you flirting with me, mullet?"

"Depends, is it working?"

"It's taking my breath away. I think I need mouth to mouth," he answered, his smile full of promise.

Keith gave a tiny laugh, "you and your cheesy lines," he breathed, his lips brushing over Lance's shyly.

Lance had wondered about kissing Keith more times than he could count. Always, he had imagined that it had started with some kind of heated exchange, and then one of them grabbing the other in a passionate embrace.

It was a hot little fantasy.

It paled in comparison to this.

His whole body flared to life the instant Keith's mouth touched him, completely at odds with how tiny and tentative the contact actually was. He gasped. Keith trembled in his cupped hands.

He pressed closer.

Their mouths fit together, fused. They shared a sigh.

Then everything ignited. Moaning, Keith pulled Lance flush against him, arms tightening around the slender Cuban.

Lance's hands slid along Keith's jaw and into his hair, clutching at the soft strands. His tongue swept out, tracing the seam of Keith's lips, testing, coaxing.

Keith parted for him, a tremor rolling down his spine. He sucked the tongue into his mouth, meeting it with his own.

The kiss deepened, and something pulled tight deep down. Lance groaned hungrily, his breathing changing, turning ragged.

They got completely caught up in the flames of a fire that had been banked for too long; gorging themselves on kisses and touches that had been hungered for for months.

Years.

Ages.

Always.

Neither had any idea how long they'd been there, alone, embracing in the protective shadow of Red; using hands and mouths to transform their contentious, often difficult fledgling friendship into something new, something stronger. Something they both knew was rare and important. It took as long as it took.

Finally, they rolled apart, both sensing that the other needed a little time to adjust to their new reality before they hit the removing each other's clothes stage. Keith lay on his back, one arm folded beneath his head. Lance lay on his side beside him, head propped up on his elbow, his other hand playing with Keith's hair. "Feel that," he asked, smiling sweetly, "Red's feeling smug."

Keith giggled, surprising Lance. Keith was NOT generally a giggler. "I feel it. Black's pretty pleased… feels oddly proud. Reminds me of…" He trailed off, it would be weird to say Shiro, but that's what it reminded him of, how Shiro made him feel when he did something that impressed him. He let his eyes drift shut, turning slightly into the soft caress of Lance's hand in his hair. "That feels really nice."

"Your hair is so soft," he marveled, "I guess now I know why Red always seemed so impatient and exasperated whenever I would starting pining and poor me-ing over you."

"You pined?" he peeked up at Lance through his lashed, his face shy and skeptical.

"Quiznak," Lance breathed, "how do you manage to be sooo cute and sooo hot at the same time? I am so done for. Yeah, I pined."

"Me, too." Keith caught his hand and brought it to his lips pressing sweet, nibbling little kisses to the fingertips. "He was probably sick to death of hearing about it from me, before you ever even got started."

"So…" Lance breathed.

"So."

"So… this is a thing now? We're a thing?"

"We are so a thing," Keith confirmed.

"Ok. Good," he blushed, "then you need to make sure you talk to me. You have to open up. Deal?"

"I will really try," Keith answered, "but it's… hard for me. I'm not used to-"

"Trusting people. Trusting ME. I know. It's okay. This is new. We'll mess up… but we'll figure it out."

"No more pushing me away," Keith scolded, "I mean it. I don't know how to fight that. If you push, I'll go…"

"No more pushing you away," Lance promised, "I only did that because I wanted you so much closer so bad and I thought you didn't want…"

"I did. I do. I want you. Closer."

He smiled, dipping down to press a soft kiss to Keith's lips. "We should head out. People will be looking for us soon."

"They probably think we've killed one another," Keith chuckled, standing and reaching out to Lance.

He took his hand and pulled himself up. "How do you want to handle this?"

"I don't want to lie to people," Keith answered, "but I don't love the idea of everyone being up in my business."

"Ok, so… how about we keep holding hands… and I will field the questions?" Lance smiled charmingly at him, "I promise I won't even make it sound like I wooed you."

"You wooed me?" Keith echoed, incredulous.

"Mmmhmmm. With my devastating good looks and incredible charm."

"Keith groaned, "oh god, you are going to be impossible, aren't you?"

"You love it," he countered, nibbling at Keith's throat, making him gasp softly, "see?"

Keith caught Lance around the waist, pulling him close and kissing him hotly, making him shiver and melt into him before pulling back. He chuckled at the soft, dreamy look on Lance's handsome face. "Hmm… that's pretty effective for distracting you."

He blinked, startling out of the sappy mood, "ohhhh... not cool. No shutting me up with kisses, I will start doing the same thing to you. Can't see that going over well during briefings."

Keith laughed, "ok, fine. Deal. No underhanded motives for kisses. I kind of like that rule… and I like your plan." He stepped back, holding his hand out to Lance, who accepted, twining their fingers together. It felt familiar and natural, even with the thrill that made his heart skip a beat.

They walked out of the hangar together, ready to face the world. Lance smiled at him, bumping into his side affectionately, "just so you know- all that other stuff? About the Garrison? I won't say a word. It's sealed in the boyfriend vault."

"Boyfriend, huh?" he answered, immensely relieved that he didn't have to ask Lance to keep his break down between them. "I like that. How are my eyes?" He was a little worried he still looked like he'd been crying.

They stepped into the elevator, and Lance hit the button before tipping their faces together so he could get a good look at him, "beautiful. You seriously have the most incredible eyes I have ever seen."

"Thanks," he blushed, "I love your eyes, too."

Smiling sweetly, Lance pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only stepping back when he felt the elevator stop moving. As the door began to open, he leaned in close, his breath tickling Keith's ear. "Soooooo… does this mean I get to call Shiro 'Dad' now?"


End file.
